4. Know These Things: Shouldn't You?
The MAXWELL LIVE '99' concert was scheduled to take place right outside of Philly on August 31st and September 1, 1999 at the Tower Theater. I was so ecstatic about seeing my favorite artist for the first time in person, that I began planning what I was going to wear months before the concert. On that special day: Tuesday, August 31, 1999, I went into work that morning with the biggest smile on my face; you would've thought is was payday or something if you had seen me. Needless to say, I was on top of the world and all because I would soon exchange energies with the man that is MAXWELL.
I had to rush home from work that day because I finished up at 5:30pm and the concert was scheduled to start at 8:00pm. (I should've known that meant CPtime: colored people time.) Anyway, I came home from work only to find out that my roommate and I were being evicted from our downtown Philadelphia apartment (as if the summer hadn't been a rocky one for us already). Everything within me (or so I thought) was telling me not to go to the concert; I was trying to convince myself to stay home and worry about my problems. The chance that I'd be evicted was the furthest thing from my mind and the idea itself was hard to conceive, but it was going to happen... and soon.
I knew that I should probably be getting dressed (I already had to rush as it was), but I procrastinated most of the time away; slowly pacing my apartment like a zombie with no direction. Every ounce of me wanted to stay home and cry until I couldn't cry anymore; I mean, where would I go? What would I do? Then I thought about the promise I'd made to God; not to allow life's obstacles to overpower me. So with very little energy and enthusiasm, I pulled strength from way down deep and ran out to catch the EL train to the Tower Theater.
The whole train ride I sat motionless; not really wanting to be where I once wanted to be. I was just riding and once I stepped off the train, I was just walking. I couldn't see; I couldn't feel; and once I approached the crowd outside the Tower Theater, I couldn't even hear Maxwell's voice in my head. So I asked myself... why are you here? Didn't I really want to be there? I had waited for that moment for so long; the moment when I would actually be able to feel Maxwell's live energy for the first time. And to top it all off, the ticket that I ran all around Philly trying to purchase, put me in a balcony seat; far from where I could actually see Maxwell's chiseled features and even further from where I could see the expressions on his face. I was devastated. My head was heavy; my heart was heavy; the theater was loud and chaotic with people trying to find their seats; chickenheads were parading pass me, exposing more skin than at the freaknik; and I WANTED TO GO HOME!!!
Finally, about an hour or more passed the scheduled starting time, Maxwell appeared (looking and sounding like an Angel in all white attire) to a melody of mixed tunes from the Embrya album. While the music put somewhat of a smile on my face, I was still angry because I could barely see him. Then he started to sing my favorite song off of the Embrya album, "Know These Things: Shouldn't You." He sang it so beautifully; like a sweet operatic serenade to only me. I was on the edge of my seat by then and didn't need to see him as much as I needed to hear him. The words reminded me of the things that I have always known; that God has always trusted me, trusted me to be strong; using me all of the time to show others how to be a rock, smoothed over; knowing that I could accept any challenge without failing. As the song's end carried me into a mental peace, I began to smile. Then, at that very instance, my head didn't feel so heavy anymore; my soul was awake; and my heart was ripe and bleeding on the floor.
On the way home, I almost ran to catch the EL train (it was about 11:30pm). There were a lot of people boarding, so I searched for a car that was almost empty (I like to be alone a lot... with my thoughts). There was one woman in the car that I was in and she started talking to me about the concert. Then all of a sudden, she began telling me about her ex-boyfriend; how they broke up; and how they were supposed to get married someday. I felt so bad; I didn't even know this woman and yet I wanted to cry for her, with her. The guy behind us started to snicker with his head down; I guess he thought something was funny, but I didn't. I could tell that she wanted to break down and cry, but she refused. Instead, she held back her tears and began talking about Maxwell; about how he was so gorgeous; and about how he seemed like a beautiful person inside. I agreed with her, right before it was time for me to part with her and the train. We said good-bye to each other, as if we knew that we would meet again one day.
She never told me her name (and I never told her mine), but I thought about her and all that she said during the walk (about six blocks) home. Then I realized that my own troubles were the furthest thing from my mind. As I approached my front doorsteps, I decided to sit outside for a while (it was a warm August night). So I sat still; thinking about the concert; the man that is Maxwell; the woman on the train; and God. Then finally it hit me... there was a reason why I'd met that woman on the train; why it felt like Maxwell was singing only to me; why I was able to pull strength from way down deep to attend the concert; and there was a reason why it felt like someone or something had been dragging me all the way there. The things I knew, were becoming more and more clear; that God had been with me the entire night; that He had been with me my whole life, through all the obstacles; and She was going to be there to help me hurdle yet another. And I was ready. Compared to the other misfortunes my young life had already seen, this was nothing. More importantly, GOD KNEW that I was ready and expected me to know it too.
Copyright 2000
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